When my son's former climbing coach, Matt, told me the above quote, a gazillion light-bulbs went off in my head and it has since played a huge role in my life. There are lots of things I want to accomplish and have accomplished, but there are just those that call to me. The ones that don't let me rest until they have been realized. For 5-6 years, probably longer, I have wanted to write a parenting book. I would start it and start it again and start it again and again and again and again, but I could never complete the task. As time past, my inner dialogue got pretty brutal and my self-concept was taking some hits. There was other stuff going on in my life, as well, but why could I not fucking write my god damn book? I mean I know writing a book isn't easy, but I was a single parent for 25 years and raised my kids REALLY WELL. That's hard!! So, I could write a book.
Whatever interferes with the task is the task. BAM!! Once I had that tool in my toolbox, I confronted my writing with it. This book has always been very important for me and I knew it was something I had to do. SO, what was interfering with me writing my book? Writing books take a lot of mental energy and space and I did not have that space. My mind and thoughts were being consumed by financial stress and worry. About what I was supposed to do for work now that my kids were raised. What job would be meaningful enough? What would set me up financially since I really don't have money for retirement? I didn't want to be a server anymore. It hurt my body and the stress was too much. I also had a very important, long-term friendship that went way toxic. That was really hard on me and couldn't imagine this person not being in my life, so I kept trying to make it better. My thoughts and beliefs became worse and worse. And then there is just life and family stuff that takes energy.
I needed to make space. Clear out shit and make room. I knew I had to change my life, so I could write my book and feel happier again. I have been living in my car for a year now, so I could remove the financial stress and pressure. To get off the hamster wheel and take time to invite something new and satisfying into my life. Take a break from the looping money worry that patterned its way into my mind. Living in my car has been the best friggin' thing ever. I also ended that very important, long-term friendship. It made me very sad, but it was harming me and I didn't need that anymore. I also got some counseling, started listening to motivational videos and reading, so I could change my toxic self-concept. I also created a way for myself to succeed in writing. I started AGAIN, but this time I only asked myself to write three sentences a day. For five months, I wrote everyday and through this, I began seeing myself as a writer. The final change was moving back to Moab. Boulder is too busy and noisy and I needed quiet to really put the chapters together in a cohesive way. Moab is peaceful and beautiful and opens me up. I can think and write here.
So, I figured out what was interfering with the task and did something about it. And now...I'm doing it. I am writing my book and it feels so friggin' awesome!!!